Next week, May 15–21, is National Dog Bite Prevention Week, apparently. Well, you might find this shocking, but recently I, Luna, was reprimanded by the HR Rep. for being a little nippy. She asked, “Luna, is this going to turn into an HR issue?” I said no, though I’m not sure she understood me in person, as most don’t, so I thought I’d write a blog to inform the staff of how to avoid a little love nip from Luna, if they wish to dispense of that honor:
• Feed me my fancy food as soon as you enter: The receptionist pays proper tribute by considerately serving me wet cat food every morning, but once she just wasn’t fast enough. I don’t remember what the hold up was, I just know that I was extremely hungry and the food wasn’t there. So I gave her a firm love nip to let her know I was displeased; it didn’t even break the skin! I found it to be completely appropriate, but the HR Rep. did not agree. This was the original reprimand.
• Don’t insist on typing when I am sitting on your desk, staring at you and in need of petting: The managing editor does this all time! Once last week she didn’t pay attention to me so I felt it was appropriate to let her know that I was displeased. That was strike two.
• Don’t try to move me from a stack of papers on your desk when I am clearly laying on them: Everyone in the office has been guilty of this at one time or another, but my comfort is much more important than your work! I haven’t yet resorted to biting in this situation, but consider this your warning.
• Don’t jump out and surprise me, as the graphic designer often does, or do anything else to startle or scare me: This one should be a given, but because of the behavior around here I have no choice but to list it.
• Don’t stand too long at the water fountain: For some reason when I stand next to those who are getting a drink of water, their legs look so tasty that I must give a gentle little nibble. This is really a sign of affection, but I suppose I could see how this could be misconstrued.
• And the number one way not to get a little love nip from Luna? Don’t displease me
in any way. (Or please me too much.)
Simple enough. Are we all very clear on this now?
