‘Tis the Season for Lap Cats

I resent the implication surfacing lately that I am some sort of “lap cat.” This is absolutely not true. It’s just that the people in the office can’t get enough of me. And who could blame them? During the holiday season, I’m certain they’re happy to benefit from my soothing and therapeutic presence. In fact, countless studies have pointed to pets lowering stress, so I’m not only providing them with a much-needed service, I’m possibly saving their lives. But at what cost?

This rumor is seriously hurting my street-cred and must stop. I am a ferocious being of the night that this office is constantly losing the battle to tame. I am panther, deity, cat princess….

But so far only the receptionist seems to pay proper tribute fit for a god. She has cans of wet food waiting for me every morning! But does anyone else in the office? No.

And when I protest about the dry food in my quarters does anyone listen? Not a chance. They just wave a laser pointer at me and laugh when I climb the wall. They don’t seem to understand how lucky they are to even look upon me, especially when I lower myself to entertain them. No no. This cuddly image is no good at all. If you need me I’ll be on my throne.

Did You Know Cats Can Get Diabetes?

I was doing some light reading about Pet Diabetes Awareness Month and was very alarmed...until I remembered my daily exercise routine with the laser pointer and the art director. Then I felt better. I'm not exactly lethargic, and now that I think about it I haven't had any excessive hunger, thirst or weight loss (or gain, TC) and my coat is always flawless.

Today is National Luna Day

That's right. Today is National Luna Day. I don't know if you've heard. Sure they're referring to it as National Cat Day, but that's just to keep the other cats from getting jealous. Obviously they mean me. Who else could they mean? TC? No she already has her cover. It's Luna's turn. So today in worship of me, you may mail cans of wet cat food to the Texas Veterinary Medical Association. (I prefer fine cuts with tuna sauce.) And you may come to the building and admire me as I look out the window at the birds at exactly 2 p.m. for about 10 minutes. That is all.

TC on the Cover of the Texas Veterinarian?

When I saw this monstrosity floating around the office I’ve never felt so unappreciated. TC’s not even here anymore! She’s off at her country house indefinitely, which if you ask me, sounds like a fancy term for rehab. She always enjoyed the catnip a little too much….

And it’s not like she did much when Animal Planet was here. She was so nervous she didn’t even talk to them. She also didn’t help with this issue at all. I gave the managing editor much needed critiques by inserting interesting characters into her document whenever I got a hold of the keyboard.

Plus, TC’s not the one who chases the laser pointer to entertain the art director, or the one who so nicely stacks all the dead crickets in one convenient location for easy disposal, or the one who gives the managing editor much needed breaks by draping herself across the desk. (The editor is still resistant to this but I think I’m wearing her down, though I do often wake up in a different location.) She’s also not the one who’s always here for the employees whenever they need to talk—or more importantly listen—or cuddle! Put TC on the cover all you want, but she’s not going to cuddle with you. She’s at her country house. I’m taking a nap.

Photoshopped Threat

Today I woke-up from my comfy chair to find an envelope with a note and this poorly photoshopped picture inside. Clearly the work of someone with no opposable thumbs and a grudge against me.

The note read:

Dear cat-minion,

Starting your own blog?

Well, this is a picture of you that I took last night while you were sleeping.

HAHAHAHA!

No. This is actually a picture of you I photoshopped to look like you were inside the mouth of an alligator. Did you really believe that? Your eyes are open in the picture! You are so stupid. It makes me laugh.

Sweet Dreams,

TC

…I think it’s a threat.

You can read my return note on Facebook.

Does Her Collar Make Her Look Fat? Yes.

The Slim Pet Challenge ended June 15, 2010, and TC did not win. There were two winners. Sadie from Paws Claws and All lost 25 pounds and Lenox from Corinth Veterinary Clinic lost 11 pounds. (They're both dogs!) And TC didn’t even place. I’d die of embarrassment.

True TC was running the event so probably couldn’t enter, but she was supposed to lead by example and instead only lost three ounces? I, however, win every year by not needing to enter this type of contest in the first place. See, I actually care about my physique and general wellness. I visit my veterinarian often, eat well and get plenty of physical activity. Not that my life has been easy. Instead of being given diamonds on my collar like I requested, I was only given rhinestones. Rhinestones are so ‘80s. Oh and there was that whole thing about the Texas Veterinary Medical Association (TVMA) adopting me after my unfortunate accident. I was hit by a car, or something, but I was a kitten so I don't really remember that. So whateves. But you’d think that being so traumatized would result in diamonds. I’m just saying. Not that I don’t make the pink collar, bling and little jingly bell look good. You’ve got to work with what you’re given.